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Anushka Sharma asks fellow parents about ‘No’ parenting vs. ‘Yes’ parenting: Here’s how it impacts parent-child relationship – Times of India

Recently Sonam Kapoor said she is going to be a “Yes” mom. The actor’s response was in reply to an Instagram story posted by Anushka Sharma related to one of her projects.

“I’m curious to know, how many times in a day do parents end up saying NO? From screen time to meal options, to chemicals in toys…the list is endless,” Anushka wrote and added, “Are you a YES parent or a NO parent?” In response to her post, Sonam wrote: “I think I am going to be a YES mom”.

How often do you say ‘no’ to your child? Do you conceal your anger and/ or frustration with the “no”? Is your no, a real no and not just your inability to say yes?

Parenting is a difficult school of learning and just like we dreaded assignments in schools, we dread going wrong in parenting.

On No’s and Yes’ people would have mixed responses. While many would say No is good for a kid, many others would assert that No kills the curiosity of the growing years and Yes nurtures it.

At times the pros of No’s might outweigh the pros of Yes’ and vice versa. But what matters at the end of everything is the manner of upbringing and the incorporation of values.

‘No’ parenting

Parents have numerous reasons to say No, just like other parents who have several opinions on saying Yes to a child.

Very often we see parents shielding off fear, anxiety, and difficulty under the “No”.

“Mom, can I have a chocolate”


“Dad, can you buy me a new toy”

“Mom, I don’t want to eat this vegetable”

“No, you have to”

“Dad, I want to go outside and play”

“No, you can’t”

What “No” parenting lacks is explanation. It leaves a big empty space which could have been filled with an explanation.

A child’s curious mind is very observational. Kids always look for answers and this is why they tend to ask a lot of questions.

As per a research study: Preschoolers’ questions may play an important role in cognitive development. When children encounter a problem with their current knowledge state (a gap in their knowledge, some ambiguity they do not know how to resolve, some inconsistency they have detected), asking a question allows them to get targeted information exactly when they need it.

“The ability to ask questions is a powerful tool that allows children to gather information they need in order to learn about the world and solve problems in it,” the study says.

And a ‘No’ kills this curiosity.

‘Yes’ parenting

It comes with its own pros and cons, say many parents. Old-rule believers will always say that more ‘yes’ makes a child wayward. “Good” kids do not come from Yes’; No’s make a kid good and responsible.

Many people see, ‘Yes’ parenting like giving in to the demands of the child. This is partially true.

“Yes” parenting means giving responsive answers to the child.

“Mom, can I have a chocolate”

“Yes. But how about having your meals first and then having a piece of chocolate”
“Dad, can you buy me a new toy”

“Yes. But how about we play with all your old toys first and then arrange them neatly in your toy cupboard”

“Mom, I don’t want to eat this vegetable”

“Yes. But do you know when you eat this vegetable you can actually win the sack race”

“Dad, I want to go outside and play”

“Yes. But what about we watch a cartoon together first”

Yes: The art of saying No to your kids, without saying No

‘No’ sets a boundary, it helps the child understand the deals of the world. ‘No’ equips the child and prepares it how to face the worldly affairs, many child psychologists say.

Just like a child’s mind is unable to process a ‘No’ at times, there are chances where it might not grasp the intentions of ‘Yes’.

Therefore it is very essential to find a middle ground and stay there firmly no matter how narrow the ground is.

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