Submit up to 25 entries at wapo.st/enter-invite-1488 (no capitals in the Web address). Deadline is Monday, May 23; results appear June 12 in print, June 9 online.
Winner gets the Clowning Achievement, our Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives … but of course, something recycled: It’s a little plastic tray, about 3 by 5 inches, sporting a photo of a young, open-shirted Elvis Presley gazing right up at you. Found in a secondhand store and donated to the Invite by Loser Cheryl Davis.
Other runners-up win their choice of our “For Best Results, Pour Into Top End” Loser Mug or our “Whole Fools” Grossery Bag. Honorable mentions get one of our new lusted-after Loser magnets, “A Small Jester of Appreciation” or “Close, but Ceci N’est Pas un Cigare.” First Offenders receive only a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink for their first ink). See general contest rules and guidelines at wapo.st/inviteFAQ. The headline “Twinnuendo” was submitted by both Chris Doyle and Tom Witte; Roy Ashley wrote the honorable-mentions subhead.
Join the lively Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook at on.fb.me/invdev; “like” the Style Invitational Ink of the Day on Facebook at bit.ly/inkofday; and follow @StyleInvite on Twitter.
The Style Conversational: The Empress’s weekly online column discusses each new contest and set of results. See this week’s, published late Thursday, May 12, at wapo.st/conv1488.
Twinnuendo: Double-entendres from Week 1484
Week 1484 was a double-entendre contest; we asked for things you could say in any two situations on a list we supplied. Given the more than 1,600 entries to this contest, it wasn’t surprising that some answers were sent by lots of entrants:
At a gas station and during a Supreme Court session: “It’s pulling way to the right all the time.”
At the gym and in bed: “Remember to wipe off the equipment after you’re done.”
And of course in a religious service and in bed: “Oh my God!”
Not to mention many gas station/bed jokes about pumping and lube and church/bed about kneeling, and Supreme Court/bed with briefs. We’ll spare you.
At a gas station and to the Jan. 6 committee: “It’s all Biden’s fault.” (Kevin Dopart, Washington)
At the hairstylist and in bed: “Well, so much for your expensive volumizer.” (Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.)
and the vintage “My Cup Punneth Over” Loser mug: At a gas station and at the hairstylist: “Very funny, ha ha – no, I wasn’t under the influence when I did this.” (Karen Lambert, Chevy Chase, Md.)
And the winner of the Clowning Achievement:
At the gym and in the Jan. 6 committee: ”Did you really think you could work with that 250-pound dumbbell and not get hurt?” (John Glenn, Tyler, Tex.)
Nolo entendre: Honorable mentions
In elementary school and to the Jan. 6 committee: “I need you to use your inside voice, Marjorie.” (Jonathan Jensen, Baltimore)
In elementary school and during a Supreme Court session: “It’s not nap time, Clarence.” (Jeff Shirley, Richmond)
At a religious service and at the Jan. 6 committee hearing: “Hmmm — I was expecting more people to sing.” (Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.; Dottie Gray, Alexandria, Va.)
At a gas station and to the Jan 6 committee: “We need to take a look under the hood.” (Rob Cohen, Potomac, Md.)
At a gas station and in bed: “I need you, but I hate the fact that you’re about 10 percent alcohol right now.” (Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.)
At a gas station and on a hike: “Perhaps there’s no cause for concern, but, you know, that bear(’)s watching . . . ” (Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala.)
At a gas station and in bed: “Yeah, it shouldn’t leak like that.” (Leif Picoult, Rockville, Md.)
In elementary school and to the Jan. 6 committee: “It wasn’t my idea – he made me do it!” (Roger Webb, Ashburn, Va., a First Offender)
At the gym and to a telemarketer: “A new personal best — 10 reps today!” (Frank Osen)
At the hairstylist and in bed: “My neighbor highly recommended you.” (Terri Berg Smith, Rockville, Md.)
At a religious service and to the Jan. 6 committee: “I may be here, but I’m not one of those fanatics!” (Karen Lambert)
At the hairstylist and during a Supreme Court session: “I prefer how Ruth used to do it.” (Sam Mertens, Silver Spring, Md.)
In elementary school and in bed: “How would you like it if someone did that to you?” (Francis Canavan, Reston, Va.)
At a religious service and at a gas station: “Looks like I need to hand over 10 percent of my annual income.” (Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.)
At a gas station and at the hairstylist: “Hmm, looks like you recently had a nasty blowout.” (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.)
At a gas station and to the Jan. 6 committee: “You’ve got a leak, but I don’t know where it’s coming from.” (Steve Smith, Potomac, Md.)
At a gas station and at the hairstylist: “Jeez, whoever put your plugs in didn’t know what they was doin’.” (Lawrence McGuire, Waldorf, Md.)
At a religious service and at the Jan. 6 committee: “Give Satan an inch and he’ll become your ruler.” (Dave Prevar, Annapolis, Md.)
At a religious service and to a telemarketer: “God, what do you want from me?” (Ben Aronin, Washington)
At the gym and in bed: “If you improve your form, you may be able to do more repetitions.” (Henry J. Aaron, Washington)
At the gym and to the Jan. 6 committee: “I feel I really need a shower.” (J.F. Martin, Naples, Fla.)
At the hairstylist and in bed: “You’re kinda receding but I can still work with it.” (Craig Dykstra, Centreville)
In bed and at a religious service: “What do you mean I have to wake up now?” (Jean Lightner Norum, Charlottesville, Va.)
To a telemarketer and in bed: I did say up front that I had only three minutes. Bye! (Mark Richardson, Takoma Park, Md.)
At a gas station and at the gym: “I’m here because of a broken belt.” (Ryan Martinez, Takoma Park, Md.)
At a gas station and to the Jan. 6 committee: “Man, this is going to cost me everything.” (Jesse Rifkin, Arlington)
At a religious service and to the Jan. 6 committee: “Let me tell you more about this magical being who can do no wrong.” (Leif Picoult)
In elementary school and to the Jan. 6 committee: “Today we’re going to learn about Q!” (Ryan Martinez)
At the hairstylist and in bed: “Sure, Bob, I remember you from last time. How are the wife and kids?” (Jon Gearhart, Des Moines)
At a religious service and on a hike: “No, sweetie! That water isn’t for drinking!” (Sarah Walsh, Rockville)
At the gym and to the Jan. 6 committee: “So what’s it gonna take to make this go away?” (Diane Lucitt, Ellicott City)
In elementary school and during a Supreme Court session: “God, recess can’t get here soon enough!” (Michael Stein, Arlington, Va.)
At a gas station and in bed: “Sorry, only self-service available today.” (Jon Ketzner, Cumberland, Md.; Frank Osen)
In elementary school and at the gym: “Hey! I was using that! No fair! That’s my seat! MY SEAT!” (Jon Gearhart)
On a hike and to the Jan. 6 committee: I went to use the toilet but couldn’t because someone left a huge log in it. (Steve Smith)
To a telemarketer and in bed: “You woke me up for THIS?” (Jonathan Jensen)
In elementary school and at the Jan. 6 committee: “Now we’re going to watch a video about bullying.” (Terri Berg Smith)
In bed, in elementary school, at a religious service, at a gas station, at the gym, at the hairstylist, to a telemarketer, on a hike, during a Supreme Court session and to the Jan. 6 committee: “I won the election by a landslide!” — D.J.T. (Robert Schechter, Dix Hills, N.Y.)
Still running — deadline May 16: Our annual “grandfoal” contest to “breed” last week’s winning foal names to make even more puns. See wapo.st/invite1487.
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